tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3726014045760733802024-03-05T15:17:01.557-08:00Conflicting KatesKatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372601404576073380.post-75881910437439197692013-11-04T21:32:00.003-08:002013-11-04T21:32:42.872-08:00A mother of a conflict...
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I once (in what now feels like a pervious
life from long, long ago) worked with Graduates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember my boss telling me (after a
particularly long hard day fighting the battles that come with such a job
within a big Bank) that working with Graduates was made particularly tough
because so many people had an opinion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They had been grads, or their kids were grads or they had read about
grads…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So this ‘knowledge’ provided a
never-ending stream of guidance, advice and general ‘I could do that better myself’
attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was right and once I
worked that out, I found the job a bit easier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I found it easier to judge in my own head who was worth my time to
really listen to and who, well – wasn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Motherhood is much the same - although much harder to ignore the voices.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Notice I say motherhood and not
parenthood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought about that and I’m
not sure that men get the same kind of unsolicited advice and perhaps that’s
because it’s not their bodies that are ‘in the line of fire’ from the start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’m wrong, but from what I see around
me – I think this is something that tends to sit very much with the mums, who
it is often assumed are provided with the book of answers along with the
provision of all their eggs when conceived themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">What I’ve been wondering lately is whether
it’s this scrutiny and advice and general pressure to be doing everything
faultlessly (because being a mother is clearly such a
simple thing - on paper) that has lead us to the infighting and antagonism that
goes on between mums.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">OK – so obviously that’s a general
statement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I think it happens with my
closest pals?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, not obviously.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But do I now think twice before posting
comments on mothering sites and columns? Hell yes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the biggest bone of contention is between
Stay at home mums and Working mums.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes
– I’m opening that can of worms.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My theory is that we (the mums) are all
working so hard to defend our own stance and approach with our kids that we’re kind of forced into this defensive
‘my way is the only way’ position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I
say that with no attack on mums because frankly, we’re punishing ourselves well
enough!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">When my daughter was 6 months old I went
back to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had originally taken 12
months off but found that I was suffocating at home and needed the stimulation
of work to settle myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In hindsight I
was suffering with mild PND and getting out of the house was a big step in my
recovery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My husband took some time out
and took on the role of primary carer (see – he became a primary carer whereas
I was a housewife – that’s a whole other blog though) until she was 18 months
old and started nursery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she
started nursery we were in Singapore – where working hours are long (certainly
by UK or Australian standards – in my experience) and she was generally at
nursery 5 days a week between 7.30am and 6.30/.45pm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had her breakfast there, her lunch, her
naps and they even showered her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
came home for a bath and bed. I write that now and it makes me feel a bit uneasy because I know what judgment is likely to come… At the time, I had no
real issue with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was an amazing nursery with a small class
of 8 and 2 teachers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We lavished all of
our energy and attention on her on the weekends with trips to the zoo, feeding turtles
at the botanic gardens, walks, play gyms, swimming etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And it worked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we were to stay in Singapore and I was to
keep my job, it had to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am now a stay at home mum and have not
‘worked’ since the birth of my 2<sup>nd</sup> daughter in January 2012.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eldest daughter goes to nursery two days a
week between about 9.30 and 4.30 purely to give her some extra stimulation
(which she desperately needs after being so used to her Singapore life)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and she is home with me the rest of the
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My second daughter will be 2 in
January and has never been to nursery but will start two days a week next year,
along with her baby brother who will be 10 months old - so that I can go to
University. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I must confess when we left Singapore and I
decided not to go back to work, I assumed my second daughter would be at a
disadvantage for not having such a focused, stimulating life around this
age.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be perfectly honest, she is
developing in much the same way her big sister did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is perhaps a month or two behind in when
she could count to ten and is currently learning the ABC song, whereas her
sister knew it by now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, is this
going to hold her back in the future?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only real difference is
for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know her a bit better than I
did her sister at this age – simply because I spend more time with her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A friend of mine had a little girl 6 weeks
after I had my second.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She stayed in
Singapore and worked in a full time job with the help of a live in carer for
her daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When she visited me a few
months ago, I honestly expected her daughter to be very different to mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figured that she hadn’t had her mum at
home, that constant ‘eye’ on her etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But when you put the two little girls together they were
so close in their development.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One had
walked earlier - one had more teeth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One
had lovely long hair - one had little fine wisps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both were bright, happy little girls living
lives where they were loved and given everything they needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a lesson to me that kids develop as they
will – at their own pace, taking on what is available to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As long as they’re loved and get some good
time with their mums and/or dads everyday – they’re pretty good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So, why do we try so hard to discredit
other people’s choices?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I notice time
and time again when a thread on a discussion board somehow involves some sort
of opinion or advice between being home or not – it turns nasty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not necessarily claws out nasty (although
that is often the case), but ‘leaving them in care all day is fine, but I couldn’t
do it’ nasty or ‘I would be so bored at home all day painting with the kids’
nasty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">For me, I’m at home because that’s where
the circumstances lead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It works for us
now and provides the best for our family (my husband, my kids and myself) for
right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That being said, if I was
offered a dream role tomorrow – would I turn it down?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Probably not…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Assuming it worked for us as a family and I could find suitable day care
(a big ask in Australia at short notice) I would probably take it on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My advantage right now is that I have a
choice and am making it – whatever way that choice goes is no-one’s business
but my family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Whether we have that choice or not, as
mothers I have to believe that we're all trying to do the best we can with
what we have – for our kids and ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because, well - mums rock!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372601404576073380.post-91300437532749300272013-08-30T06:15:00.001-07:002013-08-30T06:15:59.314-07:00My battle with Barbie
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Before I had my first child there were many
rules and ways of doing things that I believed I would adhere to – no TV being
the biggest one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pretty much all of them
have fallen by the wayside (I know most episodes of Peppa Pig word for word) in
the reality of parenting and the hectic pace of life with three small
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The one that I have held on to
with dog like vengeance is ‘Barbie is not welcome here’…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my nieces recently requested Barbie’s
for their birthday I hoped against all hopes that they wouldn’t get them, hence
spurring a green eyed ‘I want a Barbie’ from my now 4 year old, Princess
obsessed daughter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I should clarify that I loved Barbie as a
little girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I clearly recall the
debates and deals with my little brother trying to get him to play Barbie with
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘I’ll play Lego with you 4 times if
you play Barbie with me now’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was
never very keen but in hindsight I guess Ken was a bit hard for a young boy to
really relate to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I can’t even remember now the point when
Barbie got kicked under the bed and eventually into boxes in the back of the
cupboard – late Primary school/early High School maybe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I do remember discovering feminism in
High School, reading The Beauty Myth (Naomi Wolf) in great disgust at the cosmetic industry
and outrage at society reinforcing this image of beauty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, I also got on the wagon of ‘Barbie
is evil’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’ve never gotten off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As I have aged I can see all that is wrong
with Barbie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I once read that if her
measurements were to scale on a real woman she would likely be anorexic, unable
to walk due to consistent high heel wear, have chronic back ache due to her
sizeable boobs and surely snap in half with her tiny waist (OK, so I completely
made the last bit up).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want my
girls aspiring to this image and I don’t want them judging themselves against
Barbie as if a reality.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">But there is more to the hatred and after
reading <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3085&Itemid=0" target="_blank">an article</a> </b>by Karen Maezen
Miller (thanks to recommendation by a friend) talking about this very topic, I
was forced to question where my hatred of Barbie really comes from and whether
she is in fact the vilan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have struggled with my own body image for
most of my adult life and some of my late teenage years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a love hate relationship with my body
that up until the birth of my three children was more hate than love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was (and still am) always telling myself
that if I lost X kg I would be happier, funnier, more successful, have more
friends etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of this is new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We sadly read about it all the time – usually
in insightful articles wedged between fashion spreads featuring air brushed
size 0 models, but that’s not really my beef (for today).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My greatest hope for my two girls is that
they grow up with a healthy respect for their own bodies, a love of what they
have and an ability to use that to their full advantage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never want them to spend one day of their
precious lives dreaming of being something different to their frankly perfect
selves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never want them to compare
themselves to anyone whether an image in a magazine or their best friend –and
come up wanting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want them to
appreciate differences and love what they have, unconditionally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I know a great deal of that comes from
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never discuss my weight around
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never talk about my own feelings
about my body and I never ever talk about fat or dieting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my husband and I talk to our girls about
food it’s about what makes you strong and healthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ‘f’ word is banned in our house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my daughter tells me I have a big tummy
(with that gorgeous wide eyed innocence of a 4 year old stating the facts – I
do have a big tummy…) I say ‘yes I do and that’s OK.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So where does Barbie fit into this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m starting to ask myself the same
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On reflection of this recent
article that I read I found myself wondering how much influence Barbie really
had on my own body image.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I’m to be
honest it’s very little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I clearly
remember being very confident and happy in myself up until I was about 14 (way
after Barbie got kicked to the curb).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
honestly remember looking in magazines and thinking I didn’t look that different
to the models.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I smiled a lot, I had
pretty eyes and nice hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never really
compared their bodies to mine because I honestly didn’t see my size 14 body as
that much different to their size 8.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">No, the damage to my own self-image wasn’t
caused by Barbie – it took place much closer to home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was planted and reinforced by friends and
family – those closest around me wanting to protect me by ‘encouraging’ me to
lose weight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Boys at school starting to
pick out the thinner girls as the more desirable, people asking ‘helpfully’
if I really needed to eat that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The list
goes on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, it’s been reinforced by
the likes of Barbie and the images in magazines but in all honesty that’s not
what put the ideas there in the first place.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So I am starting to wonder what will happen
if Barbie is allowed in the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will
we all go nuts and start living on birdseed and cabbage and spend our savings
on cosmetic surgery?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will she really
cause my daughters to become filled with self-doubt and loathing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m starting to think the answer is no.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As long as I can provide them with a strong
image of a woman who loves her body for its ability to provide her with three
beautiful children, its strength to ensure she can care
for them and as a desirable creature (thanks to a loving and openly
affectionate husband) maybe that’s enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Maybe Barbie isn’t really the devil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe the devil lives closer to home and is
more within our own control than we think.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372601404576073380.post-12327571461186020412013-05-25T03:57:00.000-07:002013-05-25T03:57:18.676-07:00Finding Kate
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<!--StartFragment-->
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMd7OkjwRk-mQdJQaXS0dzkX1-7t5p52WkCDh-wfkKp7Ps3_3if9CAAz690FB9Wz0n8Bzob9h_2REc1R_ottvFYwJJnVDS1W64_iau_Ne-xUEQnB_SuO7UkKMmyOwR0fDQgQ5DGjW_Fvc/s1600/yoga.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMd7OkjwRk-mQdJQaXS0dzkX1-7t5p52WkCDh-wfkKp7Ps3_3if9CAAz690FB9Wz0n8Bzob9h_2REc1R_ottvFYwJJnVDS1W64_iau_Ne-xUEQnB_SuO7UkKMmyOwR0fDQgQ5DGjW_Fvc/s320/yoga.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have recently started a yoga course one
night a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It runs for six weeks and
frankly it’s like a little slice of (somewhat pain filled) heaven.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Motherhood is a funny thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It fills me with so much joy I sometimes feel
as if I might burst and then simultaneously makes me wonder where ‘I’
went…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>‘Ladies and Gentlemen – Kate has
left the building’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I recall watching ‘The Biggest Loser’ once (I
know, this is a whole other post) when a mum of three was participating and she
sat there in floods of tears talking about how she had moved so far from who
she was, she had forgotten.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had
forgotten what she’d liked, what had made her happy, what her dreams and goals
were – for herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not for her family
(who she adored), but for herself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I think one of the things that does mothers
a great disservice is our ability (whether it is our own fault or that of the
cultural expectations that have driven motherhood to where it is) to let go of
ourselves in order to love our little ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At first it is a beautiful, almost divine quest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This little person (and subsequent persons)
is our light – our purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After
growing them and nurturing them for so long, it’s hard to shift our focus
anywhere else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">But what about our own needs?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What about maintaining and sustaining our own
identity?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or does our identity need to
be redefined once we’re mothers?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">I do remember when I watched this episode
(yes, back to the Biggest Loser again) I had one daughter who was perhaps 16
months old and I sat there and thought ‘well, that’s just stupid – you have to
find time for yourself in order to be an effective mother’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And yet here I am, a mother of three under
4 years, not entirely sure of who I am or what I want.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should add here that typing that sentence
makes me a bit uncomfortable – selfish and uncaring towards my children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But in the cold light of day, looking at the
‘black and white’ of things I know that in order to be a good mum, I have to
have dreams and goals for myself that extend beyond my children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I wonder if I would feel the same if I had
returned to work between numbers 2 and 3….<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And most of all I wonder if all women go through this… <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We had some family photos taken a few weeks
back – to capture that moment when our family was made ‘complete’ with the
arrival of my beautiful son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
photographer spent the session chatting to us, putting us at ease to create
beautiful natural photos (which by the way are just gorgeous).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked me what my husband’s passions are
and I immediately answered ‘music and football’ (with the complete knowledge
that his children were a given in that).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When she asked my husband the same question there was a blanket (and
awkward silence).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I honestly had no
passion or hobby or interest outside of my children.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And that can’t be healthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I’m taking up yoga…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I might just look at getting a bit better
at photography…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372601404576073380.post-30994005629197353342012-12-31T13:54:00.000-08:002012-12-31T13:55:37.865-08:00A New Year!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD1wyVn53e0T8NoMgpp94Z1hgGqQOiCfSAMRpehC60sn4B7VMLHF84r-Y-7UMibGHOkdqRkq4gPdPQ18YhGo-uN5SoHH61mXwm1NoR9TIrI5K-2-3HNtfS1MdR9_7kDEQCldnDKje9o0o/s1600/picture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD1wyVn53e0T8NoMgpp94Z1hgGqQOiCfSAMRpehC60sn4B7VMLHF84r-Y-7UMibGHOkdqRkq4gPdPQ18YhGo-uN5SoHH61mXwm1NoR9TIrI5K-2-3HNtfS1MdR9_7kDEQCldnDKje9o0o/s320/picture.jpg" width="231" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Happy New Year!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have just realised it’s been more than 6
months since my last ‘blog’ entry and thought New Years Day was probably a good
time to get things rolling again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">2012 has been a big year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My gorgeous daughter arrived a year ago
tomorrow, my family moved from Singapore to Australia and in July I found out I
am expecting my third baby in March.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There is no coincidence that the blog
entries stopped around the time of this discovery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My ‘conflicting Kates’ kicked into overdrive
and I felt (and still feel a bit) like I couldn’t talk so much about the
balance of working and home life when I will now be at home for more than 2
years with my little ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It’s been a bit over a year since I stopped
working at the Bank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That ‘rush’ and
‘whir’ in my head is fading fast and I can feel things slow in that area of my
brain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I hate it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I worry that with 2 years off I will lose my
‘place marker’ in the workforce and forget how to think in that corporate
sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also worry about how this will
balance and what I will do when the time comes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I now juggle playdates and swimming lessons with keeping the craft
cupboard well stocked and ensuring the washing is done and the house is
clean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my head I know how important
my role is now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know my girls benefit
from me being at home with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
eldest daughter certainly benefits from having a better balance of nursery and
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My youngest has only ever known
being at home with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I know what a
gift it is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet, my self worth is
harder to ‘judge’ – although perhaps that’s not the right word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When talking to a friend a few months ago
she mentioned how hard it is to have the discussion about ‘what you do’ now
that she’s at home with her little ones.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It hadn’t occurred to me, but being able to say ‘I work for an
international bank’ was a big part of my own assessment of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was as if by putting that out there I all
at once established my smarts, my determination and my ‘worth’ in a sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I tell people I am at home with my girls
and I watch them switch off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I find
myself spinning through it and brushing it aside ‘oh me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t work, I’m just at home with my
girls’…. And onto the next subject as quickly as possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet I know how important what I do is,
and I also understand that this is for the most part my choice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I read something a few months ago (and wish
my slightly addled mind could remember where it was) where a woman was talking
about women staying at home and describing them as putting feminism behind by
making that choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That by being a
woman and choosing to be at home I was somehow stomping on the advances of
feminism.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The support systems are there
(child care etc) and I should be taking advantage of such things and showing my
kids that as a woman I have options and can do what I like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It made me furious. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">That said, I do see a lot of gender
stereotyping creeping into my eldest daughters consciousness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She thinks pink is for girls and blue is for
boys (when everything in the shops seems to be branded this way – even lego now
comes in either a pink box, complete with ponies etc – or a blue box, with
tractors) and looks around her and sees that a lot of daddy’s work (her own dad
and my brother – whereas myself and my sister in law are at home with the
kids).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I don’t really know how to
balance this…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But tell myself that in
time I will return to work and for most of her life what she will know is two
working parents, but hopefully she will remember this time fondly.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In short, I love being a mum, so much so
that I’m going back for more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And 90% of
the time (taking out the 10% where my daughters tantrums and tears and demands
get a bit repetitive and wear thin) I love being at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I miss is that opportunity for healthy
debate and discussion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to
spend my days discussing sleep patterns and discipline.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So here I am back on the blog – ready to
talk about what I’m thinking and reading in 2013 so that at least I can keep
myself thinking and maybe when someone asks me what I do I can say 'I’m mum and a blogger/thinker/dreamer!'?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Happy New Year! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372601404576073380.post-35308259918100141982012-06-20T04:55:00.000-07:002012-06-20T04:55:28.639-07:00Living the Dream?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0IYO9dZGeuVjPL6CTcsSUjuzdcK5tUYtjhy1fzetdbTThlGf6hkizr_nwQKO3stBOUj7Z4U0YG0K4c6gHS45jwR_k0s9sl3uc797TEa75XCJZiPSy2G2ogdPLD_nPNfHTZ73XYx2-_Yo/s1600/IMG_8825.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0IYO9dZGeuVjPL6CTcsSUjuzdcK5tUYtjhy1fzetdbTThlGf6hkizr_nwQKO3stBOUj7Z4U0YG0K4c6gHS45jwR_k0s9sl3uc797TEa75XCJZiPSy2G2ogdPLD_nPNfHTZ73XYx2-_Yo/s320/IMG_8825.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My eldest daughter enjoying her 'backyard'</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;">Yesterday I hung
out my washing on a clothesline - in my own backyard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was such a triumph I did a little happy
dance with my eldest daughter as she handed me pegs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later in the day we sat down for dinner (as a
family, around the table) with my husband home from work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To me, this deems our move a success – by the
measures I had in my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It strikes me
now (and only now strangely enough) that these were seemingly ‘old fashioned’
goals – certainly by the way I have lived my life – and yet, that’s what they
are.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;">I don’t for a
minute expect that with these ‘boxes’ ticked my life will now be smooth
sailing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nor has it been a smooth
journey from Singapore to get here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;">Our first 2 weeks
in Australia were in fact awful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After
years of planning and dreaming of the day I would arrive ‘home’ with my husband
and girls (something I felt and indeed feel so proud of doing) we disembarked
the final flight of 3, after 36 hours travelling with a 3 year old fighting a
gastric bug and I honestly thought we would never recover.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More than a week of jet lag then followed and,
most disheartening of all, a day of house hunting realizing that the Australian
dollar no longer goes as far as it did when I left 11 years ago – and that the
state of the local rental market meant that properties were unloved, unkept and
unattractive and yet ‘flying off the shelves’ as it were due to demand!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat in a state of shock and wondered if the
decision to leave Singapore had been one of the worst I had made in my
life…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>whether it was anything but
disruptive to my whole family.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;">‘Coming home’ is a
funny thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure what I really
expected, but after years and years of thinking of this return – 4 of those
involving serious planning on the part of myself and my husband – it wasn’t what
I expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not even close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;">I am very aware
that I have changed in my time away, but I failed to really understand that
everyone else had too – the city and the people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life had gone on living – without me – and
I’m not sure I was too happy about it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It seems strange, but I think I expected some fanfare – as much
excitement from my friends to see me back home as I felt to be here…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;">Possibly the
biggest surprise is just how much of a challenge moving and now caring for 2
little girls full time has been – and is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So many women (and men) do it and seem to make it so easy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To say I struggled (and still do) is an
understatement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two weeks ago my own mum
suggested that perhaps I should go back to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I instantly took this to heart and felt as if
I couldn’t cope in my role as a mum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Surely this should be something I relish…?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I do, but it’s so hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My eldest daughter has been used to full time
nursery in Singapore and so has spent the last 8 weeks winding me to my
frazzled end and apparently morphing into one of those unruly children whose
parents I used to scorn in supermarkets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What I have really struggled with is that it seems to unheard of to put
up your hand and say ‘I’m finding this really hard’.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;">And then something
shifted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We moved into our house (we
found a beautiful family home with a backyard amazingly in our price range) and
our ‘stuff’ arrived from Singapore which included my eldest daughter’s
treasured possessions including her ‘piglet’ toy who had been requested
continually over the last 8 weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And,
possibly most importantly my daughter also started nursery again on Monday –
two days a week where we both get our own space.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She gets to go off and flex her independence
and I get to enjoy a bit of peace and some 1-1 time with my youngest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;">The time has made
me aware of my reluctance (and maybe many other mums) to admit when things are
tough – particularly when it involves our kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Did I miss the gene that allows me to automatically blossom into
supermum when I had my first child?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Giving me a bottomless pool of patience?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or, am I just a fairly regular mum, bumping into every day problems and
challenges that other mums are reluctant to talk about (whilst loving my
daughters with all my heart)?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt;">Tonight I drove
home after picking my daughter up from nursery – the sky a mixture of dark
burnt pink and dusty blue – in my station wagon with my girls in the back – and
pulled into the driveway of my suburban home to get dinner on for the family
and I must confess (against all my feminist instincts) to feeling like I was
living the dream, but my ‘to do list’ includes tidying up my CV…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372601404576073380.post-29424648240225549592012-04-24T05:37:00.000-07:002012-04-24T05:37:59.779-07:00The lessons of Singapore<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizgMCvegfCJwkN2xXi0q7NnxRueJ07A0g-EVuaWW4y0RZpVRAQe3-T6dBm3vDHx7apq5jz7Pndw5AdJ8rtdoej1L8qrNfFkURpPBqqMpJetJCeP0AicvoVy-Tkpu1UJDpQRG4FtEjzuDs/s1600/IMG_7571.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizgMCvegfCJwkN2xXi0q7NnxRueJ07A0g-EVuaWW4y0RZpVRAQe3-T6dBm3vDHx7apq5jz7Pndw5AdJ8rtdoej1L8qrNfFkURpPBqqMpJetJCeP0AicvoVy-Tkpu1UJDpQRG4FtEjzuDs/s320/IMG_7571.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It’s taken a team of 6 people 6 hours to
pack the ‘contents’ of my life – to take everything out of draws and cupboards
and pack them away in the back of a truck to be stored until shipment to
Australia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a strange thing to watch
– they don’t bother to stop and look at the framed photos or flick through the
albums and smile at the memories – it’s just done, and done fast.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We have only had 20 months in Singapore,
which feels like a short time when you say it out loud, but it has left a big
mark on us all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Not long after my eldest daughter was born,
my husband and I started talking about leaving England and moving to Australia,
but as the conversation progressed we found we weren’t quite ready for our ‘end
goal’ to be with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When an opportunity
came up for me to work out of the Singapore office it took less than 5 minutes
for us to decide to go for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had
hoped the experience would give us an opportunity to spend time bonding as our
own little family and working out the practicalities of our dreams and goals:
what was important to us; how we (my husband and I) wanted to raise our
children; where we wanted to spend our lives; and what we really wanted to do
with them – without the distractions and obligations of home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Starting somewhere with a completely clean
slate (no real history, no assumptions, no assessments of who we are or might
be – generally) brings huge challenges, but also great reward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have found both my husband and I
approaching conversations differently, considering new opinions and backgrounds
and broadening our own views because of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Probably the greatest lesson of Singapore
has been reminding me what is truly important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have recently been introduced to the idea of ‘first world problems’
(I’m told this is a term used by the ‘young ones’ these days) – which resonates
with me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am very good at (and have
always been) comparing myself to others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What should I own, what should I have achieved, where should I be?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In Singapore there is such enormous
opportunity and wealth (and it must be said much of what I have seen has been within
the foreign community here), my assumptions and comparisons were put to the
test.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here, I wasn’t just considering
whether I had achieved enough career wise (although this has been in my mind),
but also whether I could afford the best school for my children, did I have
enough pension/savings, were my holidays ample – were the opportunities I could
offer my family great enough…?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the
list went on – and on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I worried about
it – a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The arrival of my second daughter shifted
things slightly…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the pull of being
‘home’ in Australia (and the opportunity to ‘put down some roots’) grew strong
enough for us to start making plans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
two ‘conflicting Kates’ however, continued to argue between the importance of
my career (and the continuing opportunities Singapore provided) and the draw of
ethereal motherhood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And then a friend of mine died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was in her early thirties with a young
son and it was so brutally unfair I found myself shaken.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What really is important…?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My family – their health and happiness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My own health and happiness<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Being a good, positive role model to my
girls<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The list could be much longer, but in short
– it didn’t involve getting the next corporate promotion or making more
money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And so the decision was made.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Today I indulged in a spot of people
watching over breakfast at our serviced apartment and noticed a number of
people who I assume are ‘on their way in’ to Singapore – finding their feet,
working out where to live etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I
really appreciated how nice it is to be part of something with a real
beginning, middle and end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">As a family we’re ready for the next
chapter, but so grateful for this one and what it has taught us. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Singapore has made us the family we are and
reinforced our own values and goals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
hope in the long run we can look back and see that it has made us better, truer
people for the experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I hope
the friendships we have made here endure the distance we’re about to put
between them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372601404576073380.post-50950254625356584662012-04-10T00:44:00.000-07:002012-04-10T00:44:07.239-07:00Slowing down in a world of fast living...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPGVqyYEwdAmcfBS_yUvIRBXREYjc4pwBEjkXpSDIsWc1ykr0fyqH4dewFzaKfIDumkAhmbm6E7VzXj55KI6hTPcna_pJvhT0xxyqF13fYCp5atHFE5boartSDtee8Mk2QYTMu1eoCmf4/s1600/IMG_7714.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPGVqyYEwdAmcfBS_yUvIRBXREYjc4pwBEjkXpSDIsWc1ykr0fyqH4dewFzaKfIDumkAhmbm6E7VzXj55KI6hTPcna_pJvhT0xxyqF13fYCp5atHFE5boartSDtee8Mk2QYTMu1eoCmf4/s320/IMG_7714.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My youngest daughter doesn’t cope well when
things get too busy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She will tolerate
it for a while but ‘melt down’ if a quiet nap isn’t forthcoming and I quickly
find myself in a darkened room gently rocking and soothing her into slumber.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Whilst I completely understand that this is
a ‘baby’ thing (I’m sure there’s a better term to use there), I am also forced
to wonder if this isn’t an approach to life that I could do with a little more
of myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My life is busy…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone that I speak to seems to be the
same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, often we seem to compete
(although we would all deny it) on who is busiest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ability to say we’re exhausted and have
been racing around almost gets worn like a badge of honor – like we’re living
life to the full and struggling against sleep and relaxation as much as
possible.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I do have to question the sanity of this
approach (and while I do, I freely admit to being the same – with an ongoing
competition between myself and my husband over who is in
fact more exhausted…).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do we really
need to be so busy in order to live happy, fulfilling lives (and achieve what
NEEDS to get done)?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or have we forgotten
what to do with quiet time?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A friend of mine shared an interesting blog
entry that she wrote this week – asking whether <span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;"><a href="http://sustainablesuburbia.net/is-slow-essential-for-a-sustainable-life/" target="_blank">slow living is essential for a sustainable life</a></span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really made me think and I’ve gone back to
read it a number of times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before I left
Australia I ran a Massage and Natural Therapies clinic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life was focused on doing things as
naturally as possible and seeking balance in health and life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know where this has gone, but would
really like to get it back!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, maybe
that is one of my longer term goals. That being said, I did enjoy the challenge of the corporate world so how these two desires gel effectively is perhaps a bigger question...?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Much of our move to Australia and the
lifestyle we are aspiring to is based around the principle of leading a slower
and simpler life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Less 'stuff', fewer
organised activities and more time enjoying the simpler things – in particular
quality time together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The most exciting
thing for me (and in my head – the one thing that if we can achieve I will deem
the move a success) is the ability to have one family meal together every
day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a simple goal but one that is
completely unachievable here in Singapore as working hours and commute times
only just (and only on some days) allow my husband to make it home for bedtime
let alone for dinner with my eldest daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This all seems like a simple and easy to
achieve plight doesn’t it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been
such a long time since I enjoyed time ‘being’ I can barely remember how to
do it (about 8 years ago I spent 6 weeks on a beach in Thailand quietly contemplating my life, the universe and everything).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Someone recently suggested how
much extra time could be added to the day if I turned the TV off and they were
right – I now seem to have much more time getting little jobs done rather than
wasting time sitting in front of the sixth replay of American Idol which I
frankly found a bit boring the first time – and yet can’t look away from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And a few of these little tools seem to work
in gaining back some time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">But the bigger challenge may come in
changing my own outlook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the weekend
we had an afternoon free.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a rare
thing – one whole afternoon (post lunchtime naps) with nothing we needed to do
or get done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I boldly told my husband
that my daughter could do with some quiet time to just play with her toys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He happily agreed but not 10 minutes later I
was pacing around demanding to know ‘the plan’ (yes, my husband
is a patient man)…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We ended up out
shopping for items my daughter kind of needed (but probably could have done
without), letting her play on the indoor playground (although she has a bedroom
full of toys she never has time to play with) and then giving her dinner before
we came home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just couldn’t wrap my
head around the idea of a quiet afternoon at home with no plans.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I don’t think we’ve always been like
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is something that was there in England but seems to have
intensified living in Singapore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I
was working (before the birth of my youngest) last year, my daughter was
dropped at nursery at 7.45am and collected by my husband some time around
6.30pm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
would usually be home around the same time when we would rush her through a
quick dinner (must have been tough on her digestion), into the bath and a quick
story before lights out at 7.30pm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not
proud of this and both my husband and I hated it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, for both of us to have our busy full
time jobs here that’s how life was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
can only imagine how chaotic it would be if I was returning to work in May upon
the end of my scheduled maternity leave - with a whole other little person to consider.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What this did lead to was what I consider guilty parenting…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our weekends quickly filled with activities
anchored around our daughter – indoor play centres, water parks, the zoo etc
and shopping for anything she may desire – puzzles, DVDs etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Although the time I have with my daughter
has changed significantly since I’ve been at home, the weekends are still
packed full of activities ‘for her’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
completely ridiculous point in all of this is to sustain all these activities
(and shopping), both my husband and I need to work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am hoping that new surroundings will help
us to change these habits and embrace quieter things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, I’m aware that I am going to need to be
conscious of this and make a decision (and ongoing little decisions) to simply ‘be’ - at least some of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> And that in itself is another journey!</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And of course the bigger question – how do
I then sustain that when it does come time to return to work?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Quick update on last weeks
commitments…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Making any sort of pledge
over nutrition and eating habits is a stupid, stupid idea the week of
Easter…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will take this on from now…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Otherwise I’m doing well – will update later
in the month.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372601404576073380.post-33832439678789998212012-04-03T01:38:00.001-07:002012-04-03T01:38:21.540-07:00Does the path to happiness actually lead to my own personal goals?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Yb7y1LwfO9U9C_ooz0UwHjtSaQcqE1c_mK6DS1lwXz6PBG3zf3HBVurXA5Rge6Kc5HICy57IcUpnajsRf26jySQqKZ7F1Fn6DlHKF-DhHxQ61Q7ndXKHVwGjOREV87os5MoqNcDOIW4/s1600/IMG_7640.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Yb7y1LwfO9U9C_ooz0UwHjtSaQcqE1c_mK6DS1lwXz6PBG3zf3HBVurXA5Rge6Kc5HICy57IcUpnajsRf26jySQqKZ7F1Fn6DlHKF-DhHxQ61Q7ndXKHVwGjOREV87os5MoqNcDOIW4/s320/IMG_7640.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No real relevance to the post, I just love orchids!</td></tr>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I was sitting in a coffee shop earlier
today (enjoying an extra strong coffee while my youngest snoozed in her pram)
reading a magazine while I overheard a conversation at a table nearby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should note here that I wasn’t eves
dropping – the conversation was loud – like a proud invitation to listen
in…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I can kind of understand
why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think it was an interview between
a reporter of some description and one of the shop owners – an attractive young
woman probably in her early thirties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
didn’t pay that much attention (other than my usual tut over people speaking so
unnecessarily loudly) until I heard the woman say ‘I think people generally
fail to implement’…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and then went on to
say that ‘people’ (obviously referring to those other than herself) talk a lot
about what they want to do but fail to put an action plan into place to get
there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I think she may have been talking about me…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Don’t get me wrong – I’m very good at
planning and implementing the bigger picture stuff – like having children and moving
to Australia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just not very good at
the smaller more personal stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
week I’ve started to wonder why that is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Over dinner with a friend during the week I was asked why I don’t place
a greater value on myself and understand my own strengths and general
greatness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must admit I don’t know the
answer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know what I’m good at and do
understand where my strengths lay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
just not very good at the PR.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Maybe that’s it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’m not confident enough to take the
personal stuff forward?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or maybe I just
haven’t valued it up until now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My focus
has been so firmly on my family, on what they need – the ‘we’ that I’ve
forgotten to find time for the ‘I’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes the ‘I’ feels a bit selfish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Or perhaps I just don’t have a particularly clear idea about what my
greater personal goal is..?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I watched a TED Talks video this week by
Sheryl Sandberg (COO Facebook).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sheryl
raised two points that have really lingered with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first of these <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- ‘if you’re going to leave your children to
go back to work, it had better be for something good.’<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other around the hesitance of women to
really self promote and push themselves forward for their skills and experience
(generally downplaying their experience).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I must confess that there is a big part of me that had started to wonder
if the best thing to do with my next job would be to find something 9-5 with
minimal care so that I could easily walk away at the end of the day and focus
on my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I like Sheryl’s
point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have two beautiful, captivating
daughters – if I am going to miss any part of their lives (even for a minute)
it had better be something great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a
mother of girls I have always felt the weight of responsibility in being a
strong role model for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What better
way to be a role model than to do something I love and be passionate about it
every day?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/sheryl_sandberg_why_we_have_too_few_women_leaders.html" target="_blank">Sheryl Sandberg 'Why we have too few women leaders'</a></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And so the bigger question – what do I want
to do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What will give me enough joy and
fuel to make it OK to be apart from my girls?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And how do I shape that into a future plan?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I don’t have the answer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I did however start reading a book
yesterday called the ‘Happiness Project’ by Gretchen Rubin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should clarify here that I love to buy
books, but I’m generally not as great at reading them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tend to buy them, flick through and pick
out a few bits, nod my head and then put them down to collect dust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So far I haven’t been able to put this book
down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gretchen spends the book talking
about the ‘pursuit of happiness’ for want of a better term (or less used
one).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To do this she reflects on a
number of great theorists over the ages and takes pieces of their advice and
thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The approach that really
caught my eye is that she takes on one area of focus each month and works on
activities that will improve her happiness in that space.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Happiness-Project-Aristotle-Generally/dp/0061583251" target="_blank">The Happiness Project - Gretchen Rubin</a></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It occurs to me that if I can find true
happiness within myself (not dependent on my girls or my husband) – to
understand what it is that really makes me happy, perhaps that will lead me to
what I want to do next…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My first step is to follow Gretchen’s wise
advise in the Happiness Project and focus on my physical and mental
energy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so we come to commitment
time (if you haven’t guessed I am using you dear reader to make myself
accountable for my declarations).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">For all of April I will….<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Complete tasks as they come up (I generally
have 3 or 4 niggly little things that have a way of weighing on my mind)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Exercise 4 times a week (for a minimum of
20 minutes) – this gives me great space to think and contemplate<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Stop and centre myself 3 times a day (focus
on my breath and let as much of my ‘stuff’ as I can go)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Turn the TV off unless there is something
on that I really want to watch <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Give my body the nutrition it needs
(chocolate may be what it wants, not it’s sure as hell not what needs…)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Perhaps this increased physical and mental
energy will aide in giving some clarity over my ‘what next’…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would be a real shame to waste this
potential clean slate that moving continent provides.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-372601404576073380.post-70986082763595460462012-03-27T07:48:00.000-07:002012-03-27T07:48:44.013-07:00The Challenge<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
resigned from my job last week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>8 years
ago this would not have been a big deal – I had spent 3 years in the UK
flitting from job to job – earning enough money to travel somewhere new, or
staying until I got bored and fancied something different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then I joined the Bank…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I originally joined as a temporary PA on a 12
month assignment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nearly 8 years later I
finished in a role in Talent Development, working with the best of the best in
the Bank.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved my job, thrived on the
challenge and feasted on the great minds around me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, I also banged my head against my laptop
in frustration of (more than) one too many conversations over the same issue
with no real action and the general inefficiencies that blight large
organisations. But overall I loved it and I know I was lucky in that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I guess the question of why I resigned
comes to mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After 11 years on the
move, I am taking my English husband and two young daughters (one nearly 3, the other 3 months) ‘home’ to Australia – for wonderful things such as work/life balance, a
house with a garden and that Australian sky which is honestly like nothing else
in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">There is a huge amount of excitement for
this move – I will be back in my ‘home’ town where I grew up, surrounded by
friends and family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will be
(hopefully) in a house with a garden (rather than the apartments we’ve had in
England and Singapore) and we will be able to discuss our plans and futures in
longer terms where we are – as this move is intended to be our last for a
while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, in resigning from my job I
have found a little voice in my ear – asking where I’ll get my ‘brain fuel’
from, asking how I think I’ll find another job with such great prospects as I
had in the bank, asking whether I’m really ready to ‘just’ be a mum…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And I guess it’s the ‘just’ of that
question that throws me the most.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is
there any such thing as being ‘just’ a mum?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This week, a friend linked to a photo on her facebook page – the one
below…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lucia Ronzulli (Italian MP)
seemingly doing it all – super mum and talented career woman all rolled into
one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must admit to looking at this
picture longingly, thinking how great it would be to do this. The post I first viewed this on gathered great debate from what a wonderful image it is to whether she could be doing both well and even the extremes of someone asking why she wasn't at home while her husband supported her (*%!??) ...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was still considering my own reaction to this later in the day
whilst feeding my eldest daughter (nearly 3) dinner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I simultaneously chatted to her, gave
my baby a bottle and occasionally shoved a fork of lasagna in my 3 year old's mouth (when
she was too distracted with chatter to remember to eat) I was thinking ‘I could
do that’…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then my eldest (currently undergoing a fairly prolonged and painful potty training experience) announced that she
needed to wee but didn’t want to use the potty and so didn’t and the baby suddenly
started screaming in protest of something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I promptly forgot about my own thoughts and flew into mum action. I should note here that it has taken me about 8 weeks to get my brain into gear enough to actually put pen to paper so to speak on this blog.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIfyFV0zPBUUeGz7Hqm1_Vm2qe68wY6RK7Q4zkHNhqZ0ikyggAlScHKeZC23yryo1qkeY20Tohh-jSCzdaL_js4IIr68Pu-5FK0Rr-LI5NMYuZXPhY-dkKGRVDXzuLmucjtIVT1oOjaiE/s1600/Lucia+Ronzulli.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIfyFV0zPBUUeGz7Hqm1_Vm2qe68wY6RK7Q4zkHNhqZ0ikyggAlScHKeZC23yryo1qkeY20Tohh-jSCzdaL_js4IIr68Pu-5FK0Rr-LI5NMYuZXPhY-dkKGRVDXzuLmucjtIVT1oOjaiE/s320/Lucia+Ronzulli.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My challenge to myself is to find a way to
balance these two Kates I seek to encompass and maximize the enormous opportunity
that comes with starting life with a fresh canvas at this point in time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And so the journey begins…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Katehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07081131733476814181noreply@blogger.com2